Hurt!
It has been sometime since my last blog post but I feel
compelled now to share my feelings…. Until the last few months I had a best
friend, I mean an honest to goodness best friend who I really loved. The one
person that really knew all my shit. Like knew it and didn’t run. Like I could
tell anything too and we would laugh about it. Our relationship was not
perfect, it was really far from it since I met her in 1995 because I sat on her
bed while I was visiting her then roommate. But some how we became glued at the
hip and before long we were part of our own group our own clique with four
other girls. But we always had this special bond.
Well through the years we have fought and we scream and she
stopped talking to me one year in 97 which she always forgets! But through it
all we were friends w/ this unbelievable bond. When my dad died in 1996 she was
there for me and when my boyfriend cheated on me for the 600th time
she was there for me calling me stupid but she was there. And when I had one of
many small nervous breakdowns she was there. When I was diagnosed with a mental
disorder she was there, she was always there until recently where she said she
can no longer be my friend that she still loved me and missed me but she needed
a break from our dysfunctional friendship. WHO DOES THAT! So now after 15 or so
years I am left without my friend. In 2006 she drove to Detroit for my baby
shower alone from Kentucky. She always gave me cards for my birthday, my
favorite one was about how much we loved Chocolate. I never pretended with her,
I never was someone different and I never wanted to be. It was indeed a strange
friendship we had ups and downs but I loved her dearly and it hurts a lot to
not have her but I will survive. It wasn’t perfect on my part or hers and now
its over.
I wish I knew how to let people go. My therapist swears I’m
loyal to the end. I’m tired of being loyal it hurts wayyy to freaking much.
Well ex-bff if you read this. I love you dearly and whatever
the reason is that you have removed me from your life I hope it is a good one
for you and that you have many happy days. I have happy days without you but I
know with you they would be oh so much more.
